When?
"Honestly, come on! There's not pets allowed and you just come around and urinate on me.""Hush down you bitter old bottle bin."
Lately, all the recycling compartments have been yelling at each other.
"I can't wait for my upgrade I'll be new and improved!" I said out loud.
"Litter, dude, you have it easy."
"Really? You think that having half eaten sandwiches and day old smoothies thrown at you is easy?"
"Well..." Bottle stammered.
"Exactly, it's annoying."
"Just wait until you get your update and you'll be one of us!"
But that day never came.
your story was really good, and a bit funny. But, in the first dialoge you wrote "there's no pets ALOUD" I think you need to change that to "allowed." but other than that your story was really good.
ReplyDeleteJust so you know, aloud means that you are saying something out loud. I think you meant allowed in your second sentence. You need a comma after lately, and I don't think you need "since the upgrade" in that sentence. I think you need a period after upgrade when you are speaking. It might help the sentence flow. You don't need an apostrophe after sandwiches, because it is not a contraction of it and is. I think you accidentally put quotations after stammered. You might wants one put a comma after exactly. Other than those things, great story.
ReplyDeleteGreat descriptive feedback!
DeleteGreat story.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that needs to be changed is in you're first sentence you say "No pets aloud" I think in that situation it needs to be changed to allowed.
Your story is good but in your first sentence aloud means your saying something out of your mouth I think it should be allowed. otherwise it's good.
ReplyDeleteAww, poor litter bin.
ReplyDeleteI think you could replace some of your words with words that could tie the story together, cause there is a few I's And And's. A Great idea Though!