The ER Trip
Walking into the ER my hand ached even more, as I joined the queue a man stumbled in. He started to scream, a nurse hurried to his side trying to calm him down.
"Whats wrong sir?"
"My arm!" he shrieked.
As I turned to get a better look at his mangled arm, a swarm of doctors and nurses laid him on a gurnie. People started to gag as he was swept away.
"Is he going to be okay?" A lady inquired.
"I'm not sure, but what's important is that we help whoever is next."
It was my turn. I walked up and gave the receptionist my medical card.
you wrote ``doters``, I think you mean doctors. And the story is kind of confusing, but I like how you used powerful words like: manged, stumbled, shrieked, swarm, gag, inquired. GOOD JOB!
ReplyDelete*mangled
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I loved all the descriptive language in it. Just a couple of things you need to fix: you accidentally spelt queue with an extra q, and you need a period after inquired, and you said doters instead of doctors. Other than those small mistakes, your story is fantastic!
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