Twisted
Sprinting between palm trees, I pulled myself to a halt. Panting, I put my hand in the box and felt around and there it was, the hatchet. Looking around now surrounded by palm trees, I couldn't tell where I had come from. I stood there searching for others, there was no one. My partner Sam had fallen through a pile of leaves into a wooden dagger. I couldn't help but think of her, only if I told her not to... tears started to run down my cheek. You could say all the teams probably died, I guess this is what you get when you play a twisted game show.
It's very well put together. it's very suspenseful.
ReplyDeletethough I would like to have more details about her partner Sam.
I like your story nice concept maybe add a bit more detail.
ReplyDeleteGood, creative story! Although your second sentence I don't know where the box came from. Maybe if you mention where it came from. Also I am not sure of what you meant by " You could say the teams probably perished." Other than that your story is very interesting and pulls the readers in!
ReplyDeleteI really like your story! I'm guessing it was kind of based on the Hunger Games serious. Its very well written and I like how you gave hints to the parts of the story you didn't write!
ReplyDeleteSome sentences that don't quite flow or need revising:
ReplyDelete"and felt around then it was there, the hatchet."
My partner Sam had fell through
only if I told her not to... Tears started
teams probably perished, I guess this
a lot of good grammer
ReplyDelete